Welfare application goofs

 SENTENCES TAKEN FROM ACTUAL
 LETTERS RECEIVED BY THE TORONTO
 WELFARE DEPARTMENT FROM
 APPLICATIONS FOR AID AND ASSISTANCE:

 I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have
 seven but one died and was baptized on half sheet of paper.

 I am writing to the Welfare Department to say that my baby was
 born two years old. When do I get my money?

 Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited
 regularly by the clergy.

 I cannot get sick pay. I have six children, can you tell me why?

 I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is
 dead.

 This is my eighth child, what are you going to do about it?

 Please find for certain if my husband is dead, the man I am living
 with can't eat or do anything until he finds out.

 I am very annoyed that you have branded my son illiterate, as this
 is a lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born.

 In answer to your letter I have given birth to a boy weighing ten
 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory.

 I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my three children, one
 of which was a mistake as you can see.

 My husband had his project cut off two weeks ago, and I haven't
 had any relief since.

 Unless I get my money soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal
 life.

 You have changed my little boy to a little girl. Will this make
 any difference?

 I haven't had children as yet as my husband is a bus driver and
 works day and night.

 In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins
 in the enclosed envelope.

 I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the
 doctor for two weeks and this doesn't seem to do me any good. If
 things don't improve I will be forced to send for another doctor.

 It is true I am a bachelor and have deducted for two children. But
 please believe me when I say it was an accident.

 Please excuse the condition of my messy form. I really should have
 been more careful.

 I am a vermin destroyer but have not earned anything for some
 months. I shall be glad to call on you at your convenience.

 Please send me a claim form as I have had a baby. I had one before
 but it got dirty and I burned it.

 I cannot pay the full amount at the moment as my husband is in
 hospital. As soon as I can I will send on the remains.

 Please correct this assessment. I have not worked for the past
 three months as I have broken my leg. Hoping you will do the
 same....