I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't
expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on
A conscience is what hurts when all your other
parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up
with the rain.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise
The early bird may get the worm, but it's
the second mouse that gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she
left me before we met.
How do you tell when you're out of
If everything seems to be going well, you've
obviously overlooked something.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
If everything comes your way, chances
are you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough
sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness
pays off now.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked
into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your
brakes, so I made your horn louder."
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy
all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired
Experience is something you don't get until just
after you need it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to
the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism;
to steal from many is research.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll
have to catch up.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your
body is required to be on it.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just
don't have film.