1. Love is grand; divorce is several hundred grand.

2. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

3. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

4. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

5.Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

6. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if 
   you just sit there.

7. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should 
   both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

8. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world.  
   A pessimist fears that this is true.

9. There will always be death and taxes; however, death 
   doesn't get worse every year.

10. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

11. Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.

12. I am a nutritional overachiever.

13. I am having an out of money experience.

14. Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.

15. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

16. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody 
    bothers to ask you the questions.

17. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right 
    thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong 
    thing at the tempting moment.

18. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

19. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

20. Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.

21. You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old 
    because you stopped laughing.