Mensa Word Contest

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from
the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. 
Here are the winners: 

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an 
                     indefinite period of time. 

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole. 

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
                 The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high 

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And 
                  then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 

13. Glibido : All talk and no action. 

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning 
                      and cannot be cast out. 

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


The Washington Post has also published the winning  submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers 
are asked to supply  alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are: 

1. coffee , n. the person  upon whom one coughs. 

2. flabbergasted , adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has  gained. 

3. abdicate , v.  to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade , v. to attempt an explanation while drunk. 

5. willy-nilly , adj.  impotent.

6. negligent , adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a  nightgown 

7. lymph , v.  to walk with a lisp. 

8. gargoyle , n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence , n. emergency  vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 

10. balderdash , n. a rapidly  receding hairline. 

11. testicle , n. a humorous question on an exam. 

12. rectitude , n. the  formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 

13. pokemon , n. a  Rastafarian proctologist.  

14. oyster , n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with  Yiddishisms. 

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto  the roof and gets stuck there.  

16. circumvent , n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts  worn by Jewish men.